Almost an Invalid
April 18th, 2018
Watching - "13 Reasons Why"
Reading, "Witch" by Lisa Lister, and various YA Books
I hurt my hands! I fell last Monday in the park while running. The skin of my hand was scraped off. Thank God it was my left hand. Right hand has punctures, left knee is scraped up, by left hand has no skin on the palm. Gross. It's healed up a bit, but still opens if it's stretched too much. I had a pretty bad anxiety attack. If anything happened to my hands I would have no means of working, art or hair wise. When I fell, I checked my hands first. The nice lady with five dogs said "Are you all right? You fell hard." All I could say to her was "My hands, I'm worried about my hands." Nice Lady with dogs said "Your knee is pretty banged up, can you move." I just kept saying "My hands, I'm worried about my hands." I was bleeding everywhere, but I had 2.5 miles left on my run, and my knee was fine, minus the bleeding. But the thought of breaking one of my hands freaked me out. I'm OK now, but I had a bit of a meltdown the past week. Also, thank you NYC pollen for also making life nice for all of us.
Over the past week I've had a lot of models coming into the studio. So, not a painting heavy week, thankfully. My hand just looks disgusting, so while the ladies are in front of the camera, I make sure I'm covered up. A lot of times I feel like I'm a creepy old man staring at women. When I ask them to model for me I imagine I look like Filch from Harry Potter, asking them to "be one of my French Girls." I do use that line a lot though. (tee hee!) Thankfully, no one has been creeped out by me yet, I think? lol, idk.
Most of my models are women I'm already know. They know me, and my paintings, and are happy to be a muse and let me buy them takeout, or a drink. Glenn, Amy and Celine are my primordial dieties, and have known me for a while. Haley May is my baby sister and is always excited to pose for me. Irit, Audrey, Candis and Susan are new! But so good! It was a bit nerve wracking. When you ask someone new to come into your studio, change their outfit and tell them how to pose and stuff for an hour is a lot. It's a commitment for them, so you want to be prepared and not waste their time. I over worry about not being prepared enough for models, I don't want them to feel like I'm not professional or unprepared. I'm a lot more OK with talking about my magic girls, and creating their universe, but there is a little bit in the back when I explain what I'm doing like for Amy "You're like a time-creation-destroyer, creator type? You make the universe? Is that helpful for you? You are one of the three beings that created the universe, then you created more, you can go back in forth in time? Is that OK? lol? " Of course she was excited, which is great. I get nervous talking about my paintings. Blogs don't count, I can just write it down then Andy points out typos. If I have to look at a person and explain "I'm like, creating a universe, with a creation story and a hero's journey, then descendants of that hero?" lol
SO! lol - The Primordial Beings - Glenn is my muse for Ninhursaag/Gaia/Mononoke Earth Woman Goddess, like if it was mind body soul, she would be Body. Everything physical, like earth, mountains, eather, nature, flora and fauna. Celine is my Freya/Love/Venus/Alchemical/Mania/Astarte Goddess. She would be the soul, emotion, love, passion, mania, lalala etc. Amy is my time walker/Odin/Chronos/Norns/Fates/time traveler, creator destroyer, mind lady. Right now I'm calling her Odin. I'll find another name but I can only link her to Odin right now. I need to get to know her character more.
Odin - She is the oldest or youngest of the three. She can split herself along the space/time continuum. She created existence, time, time travel, history, non linear space time, consiousness, destiny, destruction, past present and future. She likes jewel tones. She is known as the "great wanderer" and can be seen with "the heroine" in ancient times, creating the universe, in the great salons of 1800's Paris, at a Nicki Minaj concert, and helping spread human life across the galaxy in the 2300's.
For the primordials, I wanted to show what they were created. Odin, or Odina (haha...) is here bringing forth the universe
This is the other collage with planets. I wanted to post both. I feel the need to cram as much shit into a composition as possible. But maybe in this one I don't need to? I agonized for hours over the composition. It was too obvious. If she had multiple arms she would be seen as Kali. But she's not Kali, and I don't know as much about Hinduism as I want to, and now I want to download a book on Hinduism and the Vedas. But I still need to finish my book for bookclub, and I was having a fat day, and my hair was flat. Also, I don't feel blonde enough right now, is my art stupid, is my skin saggy? Why is my self worth tied to my looks? I'm a feminist! What is going on? Oh, my allergies are making my brain crazy. Thats why. SO, after that descent in madness, somehow I came up with this!
Her arms perfectly matched the halo. I wanted her to create the universe and she was pulling it over her head. As a default I wanted to add more. I'm not sure if I nailed it? I think I did? I added planets just in case, but I might take them out. Also, when you google planets, one of the things that it recommends when you type "Saturn" is "real life." hah!